Yesterday, our pet hamster – Henry Wigglebottom Jnr, celebrated his first birthday, surrounded by friends and family (well,actually just a couple of family members, but let’s not make a big deal out of it!)
Following the celebrations I managed to persuade Henry to give me an exclusive interview about life, love and hamster cakes:
ROB: Thanks for taking the time to do this interview.
HENRY: No problem. It’s a pleasure.
ROB: So, Henry, how does it feel to be one year old?
HENRY: Pretty good. I mean I’m now middle aged, but as we say in hamster circles – “Life begins at one!”
ROB: How about your birthday cake? Could you tell us a bit about it?
HENRY: It was specially made for me – with zucchini, banana, cucumber, yoghurt, peas and corn.
ROB: Sounds great.
HENRY: Oh, it was. And still is, in fact.
ROB: What do you mean?
HENRY : I’m sure you’re familiar with the expression “You can’t have your cake and eat it”?
ROB: Of course.
HENRY: Not true in hamster circles. You CAN have your cake and eat it.
ROB: I don’t understand.
HENRY: I’ve still got half of it stuffed in my cheeks! Ha ha ha!
ROB: Right. ..Anyway, Henry, tell us a bit about yourself.
HENRY: What do you wanna know?
ROB: Erm…do you have any hobbies, for instance?
HENRY: Hobbies? Sure, I do. I do the usual stuff like running around in the wheel, refurnishing my home, etc, etc. That kind of stuff. And then I absolutely adore chewing cables.
ROB: Really? Do you specialise in a particular type of cable?
HENRY: Not really. You know, I’m more of an all-round kind of cable-chewer. So anything goes – telephone cables, TV cables, lamp cables…
ROB: Isn’t that a bit dangerous? You could get electrocuted?
HENRY: I guess so, but life’s short, so why not take a few risks and “live on the edge” as they say?
ROB: Right. Tell me, Henry, what are your plans for the immediate future?
HENRY: I’m glad you asked that question. My biggest goal for the near future is to get my rocks off! You know, I’m a single guy and my balls are bigger than my head. I won’t go into details but finding a lady hamster is something of a priority right now?
ROB: Interesting. Any lucky ladies on the horizon?
HENRY: Not right now. And believe me I’ve looked. You know, the folks that look after me they let me out of my cage every day and let me run around the living room for a half hour or so. I spend most of this time looking for babes. I’ve searched high and low – behind the sofa, round the back of the cupboards, in all the corners.
ROB: No hamster honeys?
HENRY: No hamster honeys. Just some dust balls and a few spiders.
ROB: Have you thought about networking?
ROB: Yeah, you know, going on social media, like Facebook and dating sites. Stuff like that?
HENRY: Are you kidding me? I’m a hamster, for christsakes! We don’t have access to stuff like that.
ROB: Okay. Sorry.I was just curious.
HENRY: Facebook!!!…Huh!!!… Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to my sand box.
ROB: Sure. Well, thanks for taking the time for talking to us. And… good luck with your search for a mate…